I Misogi’d Myself

Hi friends,

Happy Friday-eve! Guess what? It’s 70° today in Virginia. I decided to go to a local brewery, enjoy some dinner, and let you guys know that I fucking misogi’d myself. Now before you go on and think it’s a sexual act, get your head out of the gutter. It’s not. It’s actually a lot more spiritual than you could imagine.

Misogi (禊) is a Japanese Shinto practice of ritual purification by washing the entire body. You go to a cold waterfall and let the water pour all over your body. I don’t have access to a cold waterfall, but I do have access to my hair.

Let me explain. I needed to do something dramatic to show myself that I’m ready to change and I’m ready for change. I’m always hiding behind my long hair. It’s actually super easy to get lost behind my long mane especially when people are always praising me for it. It’s a beauty status.

Can I be honest? Long hair is. great when other people are telling me it’s beautiful, but I fucking hated it. I always had my hair in a bun. The maintenance was killing me, yet I kept it because I care way to much about what others think about me.

Enough was enough. It was 1AM. I couldn’t sleep. I went to the bathroom, found some scissors, *snip-snip* and it was gone. I have no regrets. I looked in the mirror and instantly felt like myself.

I believe that your body keeps score as in your trauma. I really want to heal and I really want to let go. Everyone always tells me I’m a joy to be around, but the opposite is happening on the inside. I am hurting and I have been for a while. As soon as I wake up, my heart is beating a thousand beats per minute while anxiety runs through my veins. I can’t sleep. I don’t drink nearly as much water as I used to. I barely have the energy to eat. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m going to get really sick if I continue down this path. So yeah, I cut my hair and told myself that I’m going to focus on trying to let things go. I needed purification. I misogi’d myself.

Like I said in my last post, lots of changes are coming and I am so so so excited! Thank you all for reading. Thank you all for your support. I love you all so much!

~till next time!

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