Hope everyone is doing well. I’ve missed you all so much, but I needed to take a break because I got Covid on my birthday. I don’t know how it happened, but I was infected and needed a lot of time to rest and recover. I’m so happy to be back and get back to the grind.
First and foremost, I can’t believe I’m thirty-two! This is so wild to me. I know I always say that I really thought I wouldn’t make it this far, but here I am alive and well. This has been my best birthday yet! I went to my favorite restaurant and was surrounded good friends and so much love.
The writing process is something else. I wrote all that stuff two weeks ago when it felt like everything in my life was going well and I was going to end the post with how Covid couldn’t even bring me down because I was so happy. Guess what? Shit hit the fucking fan in my personal life and I’m not feeling the same as I did when I was writing all of the above. Don’t get me wrong. It was the best birthday I’ve ever had. I was surrounded by all of my best friends and tons of love. That outlook hasn’t changed, but I haven’t been feeling that great lately.
One minute you’re experiencing your highest highs, next some of the lowest lows. The wild part about life is that you can’t really prepare for anything. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and die. That’s just life though; you’re born to die. I am not trying to make this post super morbid; I promise. I’ve just been reflecting a lot.
Okay, so I know in the grand scheme of things, like, I’ll look back at this time and feel differently- maybe even positively. I recognize that if I didn’t go through the bad, then I wouldn’t have experienced some of the greatest moments I’ve ever experienced. Life is a roller coaster; that’s unavoidable. I will probably keep experiencing some of the greatest highs and some of the saddest lows. The goal is to have healthy coping mechanisms.
Recently, I learned that I have complex-PTSD, basically I’m always in a state of fight or flight or fawn or freeze. I’ve been living my life on edge and I’m exhausted. It’s time to make some big/healthy changes, and yes some changes are coming.
So I guess I’m right back where I started. I got COVID on my birthday which lead me to realize that I can’t thrive in chaos anymore and that I really need to make some big/healthy changes. What a sexy blessing in disguise. So I guess.. thanks COVID?
Cheers to making healthy decisions! Habits are like the atoms of our lives, each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement. I did not come up with that, but I so believe it!
Thanks for reading. I love you all so much!
~till next time!