Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a great weekend. School just started and it’s been difficult for me to adjust. I know, in due time, everything will be alright. I just need a moment to figure it out. First things first and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am officially done with tinder (for now). I say, “for now,” because you never know where the world takes you.
I’m sure there are a lot of positives from my twenties, but for the most part, my brain only focuses on the negatives. I have a lot of regrets. I’ve wasted so much time being so sad and not doing anything that I’m really proud of. I would always attempt to “live my life” but when I did choose to “live my life,” it was always spent chasing boys who literally could give two shits if I was dead or alive.
You know how before you use a Ouija board, you have to invite spirits in. That was me. I was the Ouija board and I’d let anyone in. Anyone who would give me a moment. Beggars aren’t choosers and it didn’t matter if they had good or bad intentions. I simply did not care.
When that person left, I could find another person in seconds thanks to tinder. I had the whole world in in the palm of my hands. I lived this through this vicious cycle for years and now I feel broken.
I didn’t mean to make this a sad or dark post. I know Tinder has worked out wonderfully for so many couples, but instead of looking for my person, I think I focused on finding a distraction of the moment.
I’m four months away from turning thirty-two. Lately, I’ve been really sad because, as much as I make a joke out of not knowing who I want to be when I grow up, I really feel like I don’t have a purpose. As confident as I may seem, I am struggling with my own self worth and I know this isn’t how I’m supposed to think or talk about myself but here I am.
My pen name is ibelieveinshoes, but my reality is I don’t believe in myself. I really want to change that about myself.
A healthy habit takes time and repetition to form.
Thank you so much for joining me! I appreciate you all so much.
~till next time!