Top 5 Holy Grail French Fries

Happy Tuesday everyone! It’s 10:17 A.M. here in the lovely East Coast and I’m super fucking hungry. I woke up late, per usual and didn’t have enough time to eat breakfast. My stomach is filled with coffee and water and the only thing I am imagining myself doing is having a big feast at noon.

I can’t stop thinking about food and being the potato connoisseur that I am (from both being and eating potatoes), I thought I’d give you my TOP-FIVE-HOLY-GRAIL-FRENCH-FRIES! 


5) I have to start the list with a the cripsy, cajun, cult-classic Popeyes french fries.. They’re golden brown, packed with flavor, and Popeyes offers an array of dipping sauces. Sometimes I’ll mix their hot sauce and honey and dippa-dip-dip these beauties until I’m full and want to die. 


4) In the beginning God created the heavens and earth and then he created Shake Shack’s crinkle cut fries. The consistency and density of these fries are amazing. It’s science.  If you want to add $2 to your bill — get the cheese fries, but it’s not necessary. The simplicity of these fries are all you need. Add a side of ketchup and mayonnaise with these bad boys and enjoy the night away. Maybe listen to some George Michael too. The choice is yours.


3) Imagine this: It’s been a rainy and gloomy, day. It’s late and you just left the office.  You walk into a dark pub. You find the nearest stool at the bar. You have a seat. You see a man walking towards you carrying the most elegant display of french fries. You catch a whiff. There are scents paprika, salt, and pepper in the air. You stare at your bartender and he stares back. At that point, you two are in sync and he asks, “Would you like to try our house-fries? It’s $5 because of our Happy Hour.” For the first time in your life, you were at the right place at the right time. I present to you my number three pick of this french fry draft. The house fries at Black Finn Ameripub gives you feelings. It makes you feel like Sigmund Freud on cocaine. It also comes with a side of ketchup and some white ranch-y goodness. I never bother to ask what it is because I’m in the moment with these fries. The fries and I become one.


2) Bon Chon Seasoned Fries is #bae. No futher explanation needed. Also, it’s the one restaurant that offers spicy mayo sauce by the gallon.


1)  And finally, my number one pick: Five Guys Cajun Fries. Have you guys ever been to a from “farm to table” type of restaurant? I haven’t and this is the closest thing that I’ll ever come to it. It’s like going to the zoo to see elephants because you haven’t had a chance to go to Africa. Not only that, Five Guys is from Arlington, VA. I’m always going to support local businesses!!

Yes, those are my top 5 picks, but I do have an honorable mention:


The Taco Bell cheesy fiesta potatoes are literally a party in your mouth. You get cheese, you get sour cream, and you get potatoes. What more could yo ask for? I don’t count these as fries, they consider them part of the tots/wedges family, but I needed to bring them up because I’m hungry and I do what I want.

We have a lot to thank the French for – for helping us out during the revolution, Louisinana and french-fries! God bless America. God bless french fries.

Anyways, thanks for reading. It’s almost noon and I’m getting ready to run to stuff my face with Chipotle. Love you all!

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