Hotline Bling/That Time I Thought I was Being Recruited by the C.I.A

Happy Friday, ya’ll!!! It’s been a long week — let me tell you. I’m glad it’s finally over; let me recap you guys on what happened Tuesday morning:

It’s 8:00 AM and I’m hella late. I hand Jorge (the building parking attendant) my keys, grab my bags, & run into the building. I’m finally at my floor & I zoom through the doors. I put my bags down, turn on my computer, and get to work. I don’t even grab a coffee or water or anything. I was so focused because maybe if my boss saw me working so hard, he wouldn’t say anything about me being tardy.

It worked!

I’m at my desk, going through my daily tasks and then all of the sudden I see a random number calling me from Fairfax, VA. I live in Fairfax with my family, so the first thing I think is Ohhhhh myyyy Godd!! It’s the hospital & they are calling because my mom’s hurt. I start panicking. I leave my office to answer the call and right as I’m about to answer; it’s too late. I pause. “Maybe they’ll leave a voicemail. NO. You can’t wait for that.”

I hit redial, and at the same time the number calls back.

“SHAMAILA!!” a man yells my name.

This rando knows my name. It must be someone from the hospital.

“Yes?” I replied confused and scared while waiting to hear bad news about my mother.

“Where are you?” the man asks.

“I’m at work.”

I have no idea who’s calling me or why or what they want, but I’m on like full-fledged-about-to-have-an-anxiety-attack-mode.

“Uhh yeah, but are you at your desk?” he asks aggressively.

This person not only knows I’m working, but he also knows I’m not at my desk. Thoughts are running through my mind of who it could be like a mile a minute and then I come to the conclusion: it must be the C.I.A. Yes, the Central Intelligence Agency– I’m sure they’ve been watching me some time because I’ve always wanted to be a secret agent and I have some hidden talents up my sleeve. It makes complete sense. There is meaning to my life.

So I don’t remember how I got to my desk/figured out that it wasn’t the C.I.A, but I’m somehow at my desk. My boss was the one calling, not the C.I.A. He called from his desk so I can, you know, do my job. What I do remember is that when I was on the phone with the mysterious man who I later found out to be my boss, it felt like talking to Liam Neeson from Taken.

The night before I left the office, I forwarded my office phone calls to my cellphone, even though I’m not an important person & the only person that calls me is my boss. I was so spastic & stressed out from coming in late that I forgot to turn off the forwarding calls thing. Also I stayed up late last night binge watching Chuck for the 12th time because 1. it’s a great show & 2. I really do want to be a secret agent.

I wrote a stupid parody song for the C.I.A in tune of Drake’s single “Hotline Bing.”  I was going to record it and upload it to my Soundcloud, but I think I’m just going to delete that part of my life entirely.

Oh ,also, I feel like I should add that I work in Arlington, VA which is why I didn’t realize it was my boss calling sooner!

Anyway, thank you for reading. I love all of you.

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