The On-Going Battle Between Me and the Office Cleaning Lady

Every great story always has a villain. In Hamlet, it was Claudius. In The Hunger Games, it was President Snow. In the current season of The Bachelor it’s Olivia & in my exciting life, it’s the Office Building Cleaning Lady. I don’t know her name. She shall remain nameless because she’s basically Voldemort.

It all started a couple months ago when I ran into her while she was cleaning the bathroom. We took a glance at each other which prompted me to say hi. Instead of saying hi back, she asked me a question and this very question defined our relationship for the upcoming months.

“U SPANISH?”

“Uhhh.. no..”

“U LEWK SPANISH!”

“No, I look Bengali.”

“Noh, U SPANISH.”

Her aggression was followed by a smile. I (somehow) formed one back and walked away.

One cold day in November, she sees me sitting at my desk and decides to walk in. Normally when people walk in, I always offer coffee, and/or tea especially on colder days. Being the good Samaritan that I am, I asked if she wanted any coffee or tea. She said no, but she could go for a coke. I hustled free Diet Cokes from Staples because they are stupid and sent me the wrong shit (another story for another day). I told her we only had Diet Coke and she said,”it’ll do.”I grabbed her one, she opens it, chugs like half, says bye, and walks away.

Three-ish weeks go by and I haven’t seen her. I start to worry, but then I look up and I see her 40 feet away. I notice her notice me, so I wave. Instead of waving back, she stares at me, holds air in her hand like she’s holding a glass which next I find out she’s trying to open a pretend-can and she pretend-drinks it.

While she’s pretending to drink a can of pretend-soda. I pretend that I don’t understand what she’s hinting at. She then smiles and goes into the bathroom.

I can’t believe she tried to hustle a coke out of me.

A couple weeks go by and per usual, she disappears on me. I stop thinking about her, out of sight, out of mind. But like all good things, it comes to an end. I see her again, same place — roughly 40 feet away. I’m a polite-fucking-person so I wave and she does the same shit to me again. I throw it right back at her. I pretended like I didn’t know what she wanted. She did it again. I can’t believe I was the victim of her silly- little- petty- game.

I see her again the next day. This time she waves at me and I wave back. Finally, we have an mutual understanding. She respects me. It was just like at the end of Mean Girls when Regina was walking with her new lacrosse friends and gave Cady the nod.

You can’t fuck with me anymore. I’m more than the front-desk-girl that offers people coffee, tea, water. So last Friday, I saw her and asked to take a picture with her (for you guys)and she was like, “NOOOH.” I took one anyway because after months and months of being tormented, I wanted my own little sweet revenge too.

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Thank you guys for reading and hope you have a fabulous Tuesday!

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